|
A Joke With a
Message
Customer service
is so much more than service. Like any relationship,
your relationship with customers is about
communication - and poor communication
leads to trouble. Read the joke below. Whether or
not it is real, it does contain a powerful message
about how you should treat your customers (or
friends, or loved ones, etc.). It was the bounced
check that set her off, but notice how much of her
complaint is based on communication issues. She
isn't mad about the money, she's mad about the lack
of respect: "Go ahead and take my money, but at least
treat me with the consideration and respect I
deserve!"
The letter to the bank below is an actual letter
that was sent to a bank by a 96 year old woman. The
bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it
published in the New York Times.
Dear Sir: I am writing to thank you for bouncing
my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber
last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds
must have elapsed between his presenting the check
and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to
honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic
monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement
which, I admit, has been in place for only eight
years. You are to be commended for seizing that
brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting
my account $30 by way of penalty for the
inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which
this incident has caused me to rethink my errant
financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally
attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I
try to contact you, I am confronted by the
impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless
entity which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal
with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan
repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be
automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check,
addressed personally and confidentially to an
employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be
aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for
any other person to open such an envelope. Please
find attached an Application Contact Status which I
require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry
it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as
much about him or her as your bank knows about me,
there is no alternative. Please note that all copies
of his or her medical history must be countersigned
by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of
his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets
and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented
proof.
In due course, I will issue your employee a PIN
number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits
but, again, I have modeled it on the number of
button presses required of me to access my account
balance on your phone bank service. As they say,
imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me
level the playing field even further. When you call
me, press buttons as follows:
1. To make an appointment to see me.
2. To query a missing payment.
3. To transfer the call to my living room in
case I am there.
4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I
am sleeping.
5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I
am attending to nature.
6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I
am not at home.
7. To leave a message on my computer, a
password to access my computer is required.
Password will be communicated to you at a later
date to the Authorized Contact.
8. To return to the main menu and to listen to
options 1 through 7.
9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.
The contact will then be put on hold, pending the
attention of my automated answering service. While
this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait,
uplifting music will play for the duration of the
call. Regrettably, but again following your example,
I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the
setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a
happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client
Back to
Archived Lessons Page
|
